i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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