can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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