wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
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