My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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