My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i drank out of a bidet.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
