Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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