I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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