Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
