instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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