Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
