the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize