I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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