Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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