WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
