Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
