Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
