i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
