I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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