hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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