i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
