Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
