Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
