"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
