so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
