I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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