may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
We need to get me chipped asap
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
