did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Is it because I queefed?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize