Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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