Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
