I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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