i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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