i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
The feeling are messing with the penis
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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