I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
