she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
