What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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