i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
