it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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