thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
