return my video game
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize