i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
