Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
