well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
