i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
