how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
where am i from again
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
