I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
