note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
