You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
