I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
