You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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