I just saw a hot homeless man
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
farters have to be the big spoon...
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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