So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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