I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
