Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
