I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
