WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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