do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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