After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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