During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I party with great urgency now.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
