I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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