Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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