It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
