I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
