Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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