i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
