Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I think I won the penis lottery.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
