I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
