and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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