You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
