I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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