dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
