We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
