Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
