How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
it glows. i had to have it.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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